So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like a drive thru vagina
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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