Just cropdusted the office
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
