i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.