Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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