My sheets look like a crime scene.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just forgot I was standing up.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast