you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
