i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
