The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you inspire me to be a worse person
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night