is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door