she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
