i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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