Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
