I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
