i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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