I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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