I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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