hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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