Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will be naked everywhere
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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