I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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