She's JV to your varsity
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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