jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
