somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
