we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
