Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
