Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize