You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
