Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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