I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
