So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
