Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will be naked everywhere
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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