Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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