he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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