Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
