She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
