We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
40s are totally the cure
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
