I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
