i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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