All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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