Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
