Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize