I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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