just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
