Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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