I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
