my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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