I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's great music for shaving your balls
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
