i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
