the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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