if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Terrible idea I love it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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