Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
