I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
