I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
