so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
