I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
