you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
