You're my little dorito
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
