Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
