Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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