T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
