In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
