apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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