Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
