I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
