check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
