Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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