The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
