I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
