You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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