omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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