Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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