i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
