I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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