it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
