she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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