My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
