wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
