I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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